


Feelings

by JWade



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Tear Rating: 2/10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 14:44:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12509764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JWade/pseuds/JWade
Summary: A witch hits Ketch with a spell that seems to make him completely insane. Can Mick manage to save his friend, both from the spell and from the men of letters?





	Feelings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [drwhogirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/drwhogirl/gifts).



Arthur Ketch was a man who had spent his entire life refusing to feel anything. Ever since he was eleven years old and was forced to take his first life, he did not allow anything as weakening as emotions to even gain a purchase in his mind. He was as cold as they come. Just pure efficiency. He was told who to kill and he did it without a second thought. That was what brought him to this run down house in the middle of the night. There was apparently a witch here that he was supposed to kill. He double checked his gun to make sure it was loaded with witch-killing bullets and snuck in the door. That was his last moment of clarity before he was hit with a facefull of dust and heard an incantation of “Faireachdainn.” 

 

Three months later:

Mick Davies looked into the cell with a worried frown. The only contrast to the white padded walls was the black hair sticking haphazardly from his friend’s head. Even his skin was nearly as white as the walls and his clothes by now. Ketch was sitting in the corner hugging his knees to his chest looking around frantically at things that weren’t there as he muttered, “Hurry Mick. Please hurry. Save me, Mick. Please.”

When Mick was finally able to make out the words that Ketch was muttering he winced and turned away, closing the window he was using to watch before he indulged in a very rare temper tantrum, punching the wall so hard he felt his knuckles snap. That didn’t stop him from then kicking the wall, adding a couple broken toes to the mix before he hobbled to the infirmary. He hated being so useless. Ketch was counting on him and he was failing. They were no closer to undoing the spell now than they had been three months ago when Ketch was captured while in a homicidal rage and screaming obscenities. To make matters worse, the witch had gotten away. There was a full manhunt out for her and it seemed that she was going to be the only hope of undoing this spell. 

To make matters worse, he was having a hard time holding off the council from just having Ketch put down. He had every intention of just taking Ketch and running should the order come down. No way was he going to stand aside and just let it happen. Even if it meant both of their deaths. He would die by Ketch’s side before he would stand back and watch him die. He knew that keeping Ketch under control without the sedatives and drugs that he was being pumped with would be a nighmare which was why he already had a good stash of them that he had slipped away to a secret safe house. It had always been his escape plan for someday. He always hoped that someday would never come, but there was nothing for it. He’d been in love with Ketch since they were boys, despite the other man’s abhorrence of emotions, and he would do whatever it took to save him. 

If only they knew what the spell actually did, they might have a chance. All they had to go on were the symptoms. He was barely sleeping, had to be force fed, was prone to highly emotional outbursts that seemed to swing on a dime. One moment he was in full attack mode trying to kill anyone who came near him, screaming like a madman, and the next moment he would be sobbing uncontrollably and begging for death. The only real exception to that was Mick himself. Ketch was unnaturally calm when Mick was there, not that it stopped the mood swings, they were just far less violent. He would sit there and stare at Mick with pleading eyes even as tears rolled down his cheeks and it ripped Mick’s heart out every time. He would have disappeared with him already if it weren’t for the fact that they were more likely to find a cure here than anywhere else. 

The doctors had taken to calling Mick in when they had trouble getting him calm enough to inject his meds and he wasn’t sure how much more of that he could take. He hadn’t noticed the dark looks he’d been getting from Hess ever since that started either, and wondered if she had any idea of Mick’s feelings. That would be a disaster. As the rest of the world moved forward into acceptance of homosexual relationships, the majority of the men of letters, and especially the leadership, were still stuck in the stone ages. Hell, relationships period were greatly frowned upon. Oh, they didn’t care who you slept with, but any hint of real feelings was practically a sin, and if they had any proof of actual feelings, you were likely to end up in Toni Bevell’s house of horrors being brainwashed. He would have to step carefully. 

Truthfully, he was surprised that he hadn’t been there already after how much he had confided in Toni while they were in school. She knew full well how he felt about Ketch. Sure, he had tried to make it seem like he was over it. That it had just been simple youthful confusion, but he didn’t think he was that good of an actor. Not enough to fool her at least. She’d always been good at seeing right through him. He’d long decided to just consider himself lucky on that one and ever since they’d graduated and she’d been given her brainwashing position, he’d done his best to avoid her as much as possible. 

Unfortunately, it seems as if his quite out of character mini-tantrum outside Ketch’s cell had been the last of the proof Hess needed to have him sent in for brainwashing. His first clue had been the four soldiers standing in his office doorway before two of them stepped in, the other two blocking any potential escape. Mick felt his heart leap into his throat, but forced himself to stay calm. As long as there was any chance of talking his way out of this, he would have to be calm to do so. No matter how much this seemed like the end. His tongue grazed along his false tooth, making sure it was still in place. He would pop the suicide pill in it before he would let them take away his feelings. 

Mick didn’t bother trying to talk to the soldiers. They were following orders and would never be persuaded to do otherwise. Instead he used the long walk to ready his arguments for whoever was at the other end. When they stopped at a particular door that everyone knew well, and avoided as if their lives depended on it, he felt the panic welling up in him again. It seemed that he wasn’t going to get any kind of hearing. They were going straight to the end, and getting out of this now was a long shot. There was always the possibility of emotional blackmail, but in an organization like the men of letters that was nearly impossible because they had all emotions ripped out of them, surgically if necessary, as he was about to see first-hand. 

Still, he would at least give it a shot before he sacrificed himself. He walked into the room with his head held high and a firmly calm mask on his face. He knew that he was going in there one way or another, and wasn’t about to sacrifice his dignity by making the soldiers drag him in. Nor was he willing to let his old school friend see the fear on his face. It would be bad enough that she would probably see it in his eyes. That was so much harder to hide, if she bothered to look. “Mr. Davies. It seems we have some business together,” she said coldly as she finished filling a large needle ominously. “You may leave us,” she told the soldiers who wasted no time getting out of there and rushing back to their posts. 

Toni was glad, in this moment, that she had always insisted that her lab be free of surveillance. She had said that she didn’t want her secret methods to be revealed. It wasn’t really questioned since it was not out of the ordinary for people to hold their secrets tightly in an attempt to make themselves indispensable. She went a step farther and screened the area for surveillance three times a day, so she was absolutely certain it was clean. That was the only reason she was willing to stick her neck out like this. She pulled a stun gun out from under her jacket and pressed it into Mick’s hands. 

“What…” was the only word he could manage to get out as he looked back and forth from her to the gun in shock. 

“It’s really too bad the soldiers didn’t search you before bringing you here. I was just getting my equipment ready when you shot me in the back and escaped,” she said pointedly. She had no intention of sacrificing her own life for this venture, but she didn’t think twice of sacrificing the guards. She knew that they would be severely punished, and perhaps even executed, but that was no matter. They were nameless faces to her. This was Mick. “Ketch is scheduled for execution in an hour. You’ll have to hurry. I know you have a backup plan, but I don’t know details and I don’t want to know. If I ever catch you after this I’ll have to kill you Mick, so don’t you dare put me in that position. Now go.” She added seeing that he wasn’t moving, having been rather frozen in shock. 

Those words got him moving though and as she turned her back to him, he pulled the trigger and three million volts slammed through her body. He stopped long enough to check her pulse and make sure she was still alive before he slipped out the door, grabbing her real guns in the process and sticking one inside his coat while he held the stun gun and one of the real ones in his hands, creeping through the facility to Ketch’s room. Thankfully, the brainwashing area was next to the psych ward so he didn’t have far to go, and neither area was heavily patrolled since all the patients were locked down. He only had to take out a few guards before he was sliding into Ketch’s cell. 

He rushed over to his friend, who was nearly catatonic at the moment. Of course, all this had to happen just after he’d been given his meds. Probably why he was slated for execution soon. They would want to kill him before his meds wore off enough for him to fight it. He patted Ketch’s cheeks. “Come on, buddy. Snap out of it. We gotta get out of here,” Mick said desperately. When Ketch still didn’t respond he took a deep breath. “Okay, please don’t kill me for this,” he said as he reared back and slapped him hard, and Ketch’s eyes seemed to focus a bit. 

“M-mick?” he slurred confusedly. 

“Yeah, it’s me. We have to get out of here. Now. Let’s go,” he told him slinging one of Ketch’s arms over his shoulder and hauling him to his feet. Ketch didn’t really help much, but he was at least putting one foot in front of the other, even if it was rather clumsily. At least Mick didn’t have to carry him completely and could get away with simply holding him up. He took out two more guards as he made his way to the back entrance of this wing. He quickly cut the fence and slid them outside of the compound and made his way to the car he’d stashed in the woods. It was quite old, a necessity since that meant that it couldn’t be tracked, and rather beaten up, so that it wouldn’t look out of place having been abandoned, but it ran like a dream. 

By the time Mick had maneuvered the car out of the forest and back to a small road, Ketch was out again, and Mick thanked god for small favors. At least he wouldn’t have to try to keep him under control while he was driving. It was just over two hours before they were heading into the channel tunnel and it wasn’t until their fake passports were checked and they were safely in France that he allowed himself to breath easily. They still weren’t safe. Not by a long shot. But they were better off than they had been a few hours ago. Mick left Ketch sleeping in the car as he made a quick stop at a convenience store to refill the gas tank which was running low now and grab some perishables to eat and drink. Everything else he already had stocked. 

It was less than an hour from there to his cabin in Bray-Dunes where he not only had escape routes on land, but also a very fast boat in dock to make their escape by water if that turned out to be easier. He also had safe houses in every direction. It was also conveniently located near the border to Belgium and from there into the Netherlands, both of which also held safe houses, though the majority were in France. It was a good thing the men of letters paid very well, and he had always lived very frugally and been good at investing. He got Ketch into the house and into bed before going back for the groceries and making sure the next dose of meds was ready when they started wearing off. He had some plans to experiment with them a little to see if he could find something that might help a little better. The sedative was a must, of course. It wouldn’t do for him to go flying off the handle and draw too much attention. 

At least he had always been calm around Mick so hopefully it wouldn’t be needed often. Everything else, he would see what they could do without. He definitely hoped they could do without the anti-psychotic they’d been keeping him pumped with, but he still had it just in case. Instead he was going to try Lamictol which he was able to get a decent supply of to help with the mood swings and see if he could find out a little more about the full situation. They had been keeping him so drugged up ever since he was found that no one had much idea what was really going on with him. Maybe he would be able to figure something out if he could keep him more himself while they were here. 

By the time everything was put away and organized, he heard screams coming from Ketch’s room and barreled down the hallway. He had heard about the violent nightmares Ketch had been suffering from every time he managed to actually sleep, but had yet to witness one. By the time he had Ketch calmed down and awake, he had a split lip and quite a few bruises from his flailing arms. As soon as Ketch’s eyes lit on Mick, he broke into sobs and clung to his friend for dear life. “It’s okay, Ketch. I got you. Everything’s okay. We’re safe,” Mick murmured as he rubbed Ketch’s back. 

Mick really wanted to let him get his current drugs out of his system before he started any new ones, but he was started to doubt that course of action a few hours later when Ketch still wasn’t any calmer. Finally, though, he did calm down a bit and started looking around fearfully. “Wh-where are we? Wh-why are we here?”

“We’re at a safe house. You were about to be executed and I got us out of there,” Mick told him bluntly, knowing there was no other way for it. 

“You…you saved me?” Ketch asked sounding very much like a child at that moment. 

“Of course, I did. I would always save you,” Mick told him gently. 

“I knew you would,” Ketch said with a nod as he still clung to Mick like a lifeline. 

It was a very difficult few days while Mick waited for the other drugs to clear their way through Ketch’s system. He did have to sedate him once when he flew off the handle, but finally he was free to start on his own medication treatment. The Lamictol seemed to help quite a bit and Ketch seemed almost like himself again. In some ways, at least. He still wasn’t sleeping much, and what sleep he did get was punctuated by nightmares. He was often cranky from being so tired, and occasionally it would get bad enough that he would even start running a temperature and hallucinating. Those were the times when Mick would give in and sedate him, just so he could get some rest. He was eating more though, so that was a plus and he was starting to put some weight back on. 

It was a few weeks in before Mick was able to get the most important piece of information they’d had so far. He managed to keep Ketch mentally sound enough to remember the incantation of the spell that did this to him. He quickly wrote it down and started to research to find out what it meant. When he realized that the word meant ‘to feel’ he finally had a place to start. It was hard to get anything done and figured out while he was babysitting Ketch, but he was getting there, even if he was teetering on the edge of sleep deprivation himself. 

It took a few more weeks for him to come to the realization that they still didn’t know enough to undo the spell, but maybe they could work with it. If Mick wasn’t mistaken, it seemed that the spell was designed to bring his emotions to the forefront of his mind and take away any control he had over them. Usually, people learned to control their emotions to some degree as young children, and most people hit with this spell would likely not be nearly as bad off as Ketch was, but his situation was extreme. He had completely cut himself off from all emotion as a child. He had never learned to feel them and control them. He just turned them off instead. Add to that the heightened violence of his entire life, and the things that he’d had to do, and it made for a very untenable situation. Mick realized that Ketch’s nightmares were borne from guilt. 

He then turned his focus to reading psychology books. Looking for a way to help him get past his guilt and to deal with his feelings on a normal basis. He didn’t think that Ketch would ever have the mindset to hunt again, but that was okay. If he had his way, they would leave very peaceful lives from here on out. As long as he could keep them one step ahead of the men of letters. He considered moving on again rather than staying in one place too long, but decided against it. He rarely left the house and when he did, he was very good at avoiding any surveillance. They had gotten here completely untraceable and were using cash for everything, which also couldn’t be traced. They would be more likely to be spotted while travelling than they would just laying low here. 

A few months later, they were making a great deal of progress in teaching Ketch to deal with his feelings. He was staying himself more often than not, though he did still tend to have pretty major mood swings. He would get upset pretty easily, and even slightly violent. There were quite a few holes in the walls, but he hadn’t seriously injured Mick so that was something. He wasn’t going into homicidal rages anymore, or becoming childlike, or even spending hours sobbing his eyes out, though he was still quick to cry, it was in a more controlled manner. Most importantly he was sleeping more, and the nightmares were fewer and far between and well as much less violent. 

It was just at the start of spring, and in an effort to stretch out their remaining money, Mick had decided to start a garden and grow most of their own food. He had also gotten fishing poles and a breeding pair of goats so they could buy less meat. He had also found that working outdoors in the garden or just sitting at the dock fishing, did wonders for Ketch’s mental state, so that was a bonus. In an effort to help even more, they had taken to taking long walks in the woods as they both tried to get used to peace. Living off the grid was a new experience for both of them. 

During one of those long walks in the woods, Mick was caught completely off guard when Ketch just stopped walking, grabbed him, and kissed him out of nowhere. He definitely wasn’t complaining though as he kissed him back. It wasn’t long though before Ketch pulled back with a heavy blush. “I’m sorry. I know we talked about not acting on impulse and thinking things through,” he said as he shuffled his feet nervously. 

Mick couldn’t help the grin that broke out on his face. “There are exceptions to every rule,” he told him. They had been working hard on Ketch’s impulse control, but this was on instance where he certainly didn’t mind the results. 

“So…it was…okay…to do that?” Ketch asked hopefully as he looked back up at Mick. 

“Yeah. That’s okay. If you want to,” Mick told him, still smiling, just before he was grabbed in another kiss and this time, Ketch deepened it and Mick wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close as their tongues danced together. Yep, they would be just fine.


End file.
